Resilience
Mr Andrew Holmes | holmesa@mbbc.qld.edu.au
‘Cultivating resilience isn’t about giving children a ‘good life’ but teaching them to enjoy the life they have. I liken it to the ultimate gift described in the old Chinese Proverb:
‘Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime’.
Michelle Mitchell, Author of Everyday Resilience.
I recently read the book Everyday Resilience written by Michelle Mitchell, which focusses on the seven traits of resilience, and how as parents, we can utilise powerful strategies that turn daily challenges into moments that build resilience and confidence in our boys.
As an educator and as a proud father of three boys, I am aware of the challenges that our boys face with friendships, academic pressure and the self-doubt of growing up. As parents, we want our children to grow up to be happy, healthy, strong, caring and resilient.
As Principal of Moreton Bay Boys’ College, I am proud to be associated with a College that provides an environment where the boys feel safe, happy and connected which allows them to flourish, and more importantly, an environment where they feel a sense of purpose and belonging. The culture at MBBC is built on relationships and values, which help our boys to navigate the unpredictable challenges of life, develop strategies to build resilience and take risks.
Michelle Mitchell has explored seven traits of resilience which can have a profound impact on how your son handles life challenges. These are Courage, Gratitude, Empathy, Self-Awareness, Responsibility, Self-Care and Contribution.
Tips for building resilience:
Courage
Aim to create your son’s childhood full of adventure. Provide an opportunity for your son to move outside his comfort zone, take risks, make connections and experience new things. Encourage him to raise his hand to ask questions and encourage him to have another go when things do not work out the first time.
Gratitude
Inject gratitude into our daily schedule and it will become contagious. Years of research have constantly linked a person’s overall happiness to their ability to be grateful. Accept your son, just for who he is without trying to improve him or fix him.
Empathy
One of Values at MBBC is Care, and research refers to the positive impact kindness has on people’s happiness and resilience. Practice and model empathy by asking your son questions rather than making assumptions. Quietly praise acts of kindness, as they have their own reward. Clearly define what a good friend is and isn’t and encourage your son how best to support his friends who may be struggling.
Self-Awareness
Help your son identify their core team (friends, siblings, parents, teachers). The role of trusted parents and support people is critical to help shape his perceptions of his strengths and weaknesses. Be mindful about the words you use to describe your son especially when they disappoint you – he will remember those words.
Responsibility
Allow your son to learn from real life experiences and take responsibility for his own actions. Reinforce that life is about choices and don’t do things for them that they can do for themselves. This includes packing lunches, paying for things, cleaning, washing and doing assignments. Don’t give your child technology every time they are bored. Allow them to be creative as this will put them in good stead for the future.
Self-Care
‘Self-care enables us to be strong – mentally, physically and spiritually, so that we can give to others’.
Help your son to find his passion and to do something active every day. Encourage your son to choose 10 self-care strategies such as read a book, make something, have a conversation with someone they love, paint, draw or exercise. Mr Eames has a strong passion for providing clubs and activities that promote self-care and our Five to Thrive Wellbeing Framework is very much geared towards promoting self-care. Realise that technology detoxes are essential and I encourage anyone struggling with self-care to unplug from technology for the day or weekend.
Contribution
There is no doubt that offering young people the opportunity to be responsible, caring, participating members of society, enriches the lives of individuals and ultimately creates a more just and caring world. Furthermore, research has shown (Konrath et al 2012) that service can significantly enhance a person’s well-being and can have lasting effects of up to four years later.
Remember that our boys watch how we contribute and give back to society. If you want volunteering or service to be part of your son’s life, start early. Contribution allows us to experience a sense of purpose and belonging to the broader community.
As I reflect on my own parenting of three teenage boys, I have realised that it is an incredible personal journey and that resilience helps our boys to manage stress, feel happier, make better choices, enjoy positive relationships and embrace opportunities that will allow them to navigate life’s challenges.
I am extremely grateful, as I am sure every parent at MBBC is, for the joy our boys bring to our lives. Thank you to all the parents at MBBC. You are doing an amazing job raising our wonderful boys.